


Variable Equation

by blackwyvern



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: M/M, tcest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-23 08:08:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4869530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackwyvern/pseuds/blackwyvern
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Donatello's mind is working past the point of exhaustion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Variable Equation

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by CrazyCatLady713 :D Thank you again!

It was late, well past the usual time he'd normally return home from a  
patrol with Casey; but to be fair it had been a productive night.  
Something about Friday always seemed to bring out the best and worst  
in the population. A celebration on one street, a mugging on another.

 

The lair was quiet and dark; even Leo was nowhere to be found. At this  
point Raph was exhausted, and just wanted to crash. Pausing in the  
kitchen for a drink, he gulped down a glass of water and it was then  
he noted the light under the door to Don's lab. Someone was apparently  
still up after all.

 

Wondering what project had caused another all nighter for Donnie, Raph  
knocked on the door. His only answer was a rather pained groan.  
Concerned, he pushed the shutter door aside. Donnie sat at his desk,  
heels of his hands firmly wedged against his eyes.

 

Raph sighed. "You over did it again, didn't you?"

 

His response was a muffled affirmative and a very tentative head nod  
that made Donnie greener then usual. Ever since they were  
little, Donnie had consistent issues with falling asleep. His mind would  
latch onto an idea and he'd feel compelled to run it into the ground, no matter  
how crazy.

 

Most of the time, these long nights working until he dropped into  
exhaustion weren't detrimental. But let him go on his own long enough  
without some intervention and well...

 

Raph hit the dimmer on the lab lights, plunging them into near  
darkness. Lifting his hands away from his eyes, Donnie was still  
squinting, the throbbing in his head matching the beat of his pulse.  
Raph turned the computer screens off, leaving the towers alone.

 

"C'mon genius, whatever you're working on'll keep till morning." He  
said, one arm slung around Don's shoulder as he lifted him  
off the stool.

 

It was obvious Donnie wanted to protest, but the roiling of his stomach as they moved  
stopped him cold. His faced drained of all its color as he pressed against Raph, seeking total  
darkness.

 

"That bad this time?" Raph said with a sigh.

 

His answer was a slight nod, more felt then seen from this angle.

 

Picking Donnie up, Raph cradled him securely. His brother's height  
always made these moments awkward, and not for the first time was Raph  
glad he was the most dedicated to weight lifting. The trip across the  
lair was slow, as he didn't want to jostle him with fast movements,  
but eventually they came to Donnie's barely used bedroom.

 

Donnie usually crashed in the lab; whether that was his head on the  
desk or on the small fold out cot he kept there was a matter of how  
much energy he had left at the time. His room was almost immaculate  
from lack of use. The only signs of a restless mind were the  
diagrams hung on his walls, and the shelves cluttered with small  
prototypes.

 

Sitting Donnie down on his bed, Raph left him a minute, closing the  
door behind him and plunging the bedroom into total darkness.  
Donnie laid back with a sigh, pulling his mask and pads off but in too much pain  
to bother with the wraps. The problem at the moment was that despite  
the amount of pain he was in, Donnie really wasn't tired. He had  
honestly tried to go to bed at a decent hour this time.

 

He'd abstained from coffee during the latter part of the day, he'd even  
stopped working after dinner and just tried to relax. His brain,  
however, was not in a sleeping mood. By the time he'd gone to bed  
he'd just lain in the dark staring at nothing.

 

After a half an hour of trying, he'd gotten up and gone to his lab.  
Unfortunately, that's when the pain had started. It was a low, dull  
ache at first, but a few bright spots of random color appearing and  
disappearing had heralded his current miserable state.

 

Though the pain eased slightly as he lay there, his brain wanted  
nothing to do with sleep.

 

The creak of the door and the dull light from beyond it announced Raph's  
return. As the door closed it once again swallowed them in darkness.  
He heard soft footfalls and felt a hand at his shell helping him sit.

 

He downed the glass of water pressed to his lips and swallowed the  
pills pushed into his palm. They wouldn't do more than take the pain  
from jaw grinding down to just excruciating but they were something.

 

"Thanks," he muttered, voice not ready to move beyond a whisper.

 

With a mumbled "move over" Raph climbed in behind him. His fingers  
traced Donnie's neck and shoulders with gentle pressure. He rolled his  
head forward, giving Raph more room as he began to kneed the stiff  
muscles. Raph was no expert in pressure points, that was Leo's  
department, but he could at least do this.

 

The two stayed like that, the comfortable silence between them only  
broken by an occasional hiss as the tense muscles released. The pain  
eased another fraction to Donnie's relief, and between that and the  
headache medicine he felt more settled. If still very much awake.

 

"I really tried this time." Donnie said, his words finally less pained.

 

"I know."

 

The response was automatic. Raph had seen Donnie go through these  
sleepless fits before.

 

"Want to tell me what's really keeping you up this time?" He asked.

 

Donnie was used to keeping burdens to himself. They had always taken it  
for granted that the lights were on in the lair or they had hot water.  
They never really understood on more then a superficial level the  
amount of work needed to accomplish all those little tasks.

 

He can remember Donnie trying to explain it to them once. They got it,  
but not really. Not deep down. They didn't experience it the way  
Donnie did. So much of daily life in the lair just fell on his  
shoulders, and after that failed explanation Donnie had just started  
keeping everything to himself. He went from complaining that he wasn't  
appreciated to simply barking at them when he was disturbed.

 

And while Donnie might seek council from them for situations outside  
of the mechanical or technical, he could be so selective about what he  
shared; withdrawn and solitary until forced. Or until he broke down.  
And this, Raph could tell, was a breakdown. Donnie's truly horrid  
bouts of insomnia only struck when he was chasing a problem or trying  
to avoid confronting one.

 

Donnie licked his lips, enjoying the continued massage but debating his answer.

 

"I was thinking," he started, pausing and sighing as if on the edge of  
a chasm, "...about us."

 

And there it was, the elephant in the room.

 

Raph bit his lip. Patience had never been his forte, but rushing  
Donnie would accomplish nothing. He had expected this, he sternly  
reminded himself, had seen it coming. Ever since that kiss.

 

It had been after April had gently, but firmly, turned Donnie  
down. Months after. When equilibrium had finally returned in his life.  
One near death, city saving, stopping another alien invasion later, and  
Donnie had kissed him.

 

No one else had seen it and since Don had firmly pretended it hadn't  
happened after that, Raph had eventually let the matter drop. But that  
hadn't meant things didn't change. They spent more time around each  
other, worked on the shell raiser or the party wagon together, sought  
each other out more. More often then not it was Donnie waiting up for  
Raph now instead of Leo.

 

Sure, Raph still didn't understand a lot of the scientific lingo that  
came out of Donnie, and Donnie still didn't always get why something  
set Raph off. But on the whole they had gotten closer.

 

Donnie leaned back, encouraging Raph to continue massaging his  
shoulders as he pushed on. "...I thought, at the time, that it was  
just a simple reaction to nearly winding up a stain on the tarmac," he  
rambled, "I thought after awhile, once the adrenaline wore off, that  
I'd be disgusted or that you'd be angry....I never really  
considered...that it was real."

 

This wasn't what Raph had expected. An apology or an excuse, yes. A  
confession, no.

 

"Now I don't know what to do." Donnie said. "If you say 'yes' then I  
have to consider all the variables that change between us, and not  
just us, but everyone. What will they think? If you say 'no', then it  
still changes things between us and what if that's for the worst? I  
could handle April saying no, I didn't like it but I could handle it.  
She doesn't live with us, she's a friend yes, but still an outsider. I  
knew I could come back from that, she was safe...but if it's you..."

 

Raph pulled him back into a hug, arms tight around him. He wasn't  
generally a hug person but it seemed like the best tactic to get Donnie  
to stop talking himself in circles.

 

"...The variables have been driving me crazy." Donnie finishes,  
leaning into him.

 

Like this Raph can rest his chin on the taller turtle's head and he  
does so, letting it all wash over him. "Yeah," he says, "I can see how  
that would drive anyone nuts." He shrugs then. "So, why think about it  
at all?"

 

"What?"

 

"Who cares about the what if's, Donnie? If you wanna do something,  
do it. If you don't, don't. Worry about the fall out after the fact.  
Trust me, it's a lot more productive."

 

"It's also a great way to get into trouble."

 

"Well yeah, and that's what I got you for."

 

Blinking in confusion Donnie pulled back, staring at Raph through the  
dark. He was barely visible, the little bit of light coming from under  
Donnie's door just barely enough to show a green eyed smirk.

 

"You look, I leap, that's not a bad combination if you ask me.  
Whatever happens we deal with it when it happens and if it happens."

 

The tension dropped out of Donnie like a stone and the weight of all  
those long nights spent chasing himself in circles finally sets in.  
It's an answer, a direction. It doesn't solve all the variables, it  
doesn't give him a road map, but it's a start. He didn't resist when  
Raph kissed him, or when he pulled him down to the mattress. He dropped  
into sleep with the sound of Raph's pulse in his ears.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. This was written WAY before the Season 3 finale, *cough* I was not trying to predict more invasions, I swear!


End file.
